Sometimes it can be difficult to see any significance in what you do. You work hard, try your best, give it your all. You try to better yourself, learn more, give more. You do it to share your skills, your understandings, your life lessons. Sometimes, however, your reach seems so limited and your efforts worthless. At this point, it becomes harder to see your purpose in this world. I'll always remember a priest who spoke at a Sydney youth festival: "A lot goes into a person." It made me reconsider what my parents wanted for me and some of the conscious choices they made.
Each one of us is unique, the product of a myriad of experiences and teachings and interactions. Each one of us has so much to share, but sometimes the opportunity to do so is lacking. I've worked hard in my life to learn new things, improve my knowledge, be the best teacher I can be. But, I have learnt that I can't please everyone in the way they might want. If they want a 'yes-man', then I'm definitely not who they're after. If they want someone who is happy with being undervalued and disrespected, I won't ultimately work out for them either.
I've spent a lot of time in my life trying to impress the wrong people. Only now in my forties have I come to recognise my worth. All those public holidays spent studying. The many all-nighters spent planning the perfect sequence of lessons as an RFF teacher. The intricate feedback comments that were barely read by students and parents. The hours and hours of preparation put into single lessons or tutoring sessions.
This time and effort has amounted to something. The product is a teacher who thinks critically, who has something of great worth to share with her students. A person who has never been motivated by the pay cheque is a person who will ultimately shine as an educator. I have been very fortunate to receive fantastic feedback in recent years from parents whose children I tutor. For the first time, my teaching is being witnessed in their homes, its merits evaluated. It's like everything I have worked towards is finally seeing fruition. This was never going to happen in the school context, where my role as a diverse learning teacher is often looked down on by superiors. In schools, limits are set on what I am able to contribute, but outside of that context, the sky is the limit.
I've finally started to feel significant again.
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